Old Farts: The Rat is up and spitting again
Romeo the Rat (Induur) was famous for his thriftiness at the RI in Nairobi: He would come to the bar at the RI, put his hand in his shirt pocket, bring out to silver coins and say: “I can’t buy anyone another drink because I have got only two shillings in my pocket.” Because most of us were well and truly properly oiled, we tended to ignore him.
These days the Rat does not pose any major threat of scrounging a beer from someone or having to nurse one for the duration of his stay. Instead, thanks to COVID-19 he is at home, seated in his favourite chair and drinking his favourite imported beer.
The days of the Friday Club’s legendary Friday night drinks at the Baulkham Hills Bowling Club are but a distant memory. These days most folks are taking part in the club “meat markets” or club “raffles” on-line. Likewise, we too are on-line, thanks to Skype. Most of the regulars are playing it safe and have remained home. What else can one do when everyday one is told because one is past 65 the risk of falling victim to COVID-19 is the greatest among the populace.
Really can’t blame them. It seems to be that they only people paying any attention to social-distancing or wearing masks are the senior citizens. The rest of the mob in the streets, in the malls, even in church and most other places are playing at ignorance. It is tough to swallow.
So, Drake the Kenya duck as roped in a few of his mates and Jimmy the Mouse from the local electronic tech shop has helped set up this Friday night virtually.
Some of you may remember that the last time we put out a bulletin, the Rat had a sexual problem and I guess we were all a bit concerned because being in the same age group we fear that we too may succumb to the ailment. Well, worry no more. The Rat is purring like the proverbial Cheshire Cat. “I am a thousand times better, in fact, I have never felt better. I am walking better. My appetite has come back but I am keeping a tight check on my diet. There is a problem, however, my taste for sweet things, which I used to satisfy quite easily in my youth, has come back with a vengeance. I try to fudge by eating a lot of fruit and drinking sugarless diet fruit drinks. Sometimes the yearning is so bad that I given in buy a bar of low, low sugar black chocolate. Can’t too much of that anywhere because I am lactose intolerant. However, these days I can eat a little lactose free cheese.
“Who, how, what, miracle cure? The specialist gave a testosterone building gel. After 13 years if dormancy downstairs, I am smiling again. And so is you-know-who.”
The Duck is dumbstruck. “What are you talking? You are too old for that!” The Rat smiles that sardonic smile followed by an even more sardonic shake of the head, from right to left and back again (the way most Indians say “yes) or “Okay”. He assures the Duck, “Even you can use it if you have the need for it. In fact, if you come over to my place, I will give you a little of mine.”
For a few moments, there is a kind of silence that is both eerie and somewhat overwhelming at the same time. Dr Google, who has been putting his hand up several times, waiting for the Rat to finish talking so he could jump in, finally has the microphone. “Romeo is quite correct. Most erectile dysfunctions and loss of testosterone are quickly fixed by applying the gel.
The Rat explains: “My testosterone levels were down to 1 when they should be at a healthy 30. With six months’ treatment, I have brought to 9. In another six months, with increase gel, my doctor wants me to get it up 25. After that, I will have to maintain it at around that level.”
Terry the Terrible piped in: “Have you had sex?” And whole place burst into thunderous laughter and applause. All the Rat could say was: “There is hope, if that is what you need in your life.”
With that our thoughts turned to the old timers. Felix the Cat is feeling good after chemotherapy, Tony Handsome is make slow progress after spinal surgery, but it is painful but all for the good. The other Terry is OK, Cajie the FridgeMagnet told the Owl that Terry was OK.
A hormone in both men and women
Testosterone is a hormone found in humans, as well as in other animals. The testicles primarily make testosterone in men. Women’s ovaries also make testosterone, though in much smaller amounts.
The production of testosterone starts to increase significantly during puberty, and begins to dip after age 30 or so.
Testosterone is most often associated with sex drive, and plays a vital role in sperm production. It also affects bone and muscle mass, the way men store fat in the body, and even red blood cell production. A man’s testosterone levels can also affect his mood.
Low levels of testosterone, also called low T levels, can produce a variety of symptoms in men, including:
- decreased sex drive
- less energy
- weight gain
- feelings of depression
- low self-esteem
- less body hair
- thinner bones
While testosterone production naturally tapers off as a man ages, other factors can cause hormone levels to drop. Injury to the testicles and cancer treatments such as chemotherapy or radiation can negatively affect testosterone production.
Chronic health conditions and stress can also reduce testosterone production. Some of these include:
AMERICAN SENIORS COMMUNITIES: Some of the most common health problems in the elderly include:
- While some memory loss is common as you age, developing Alzheimer’s disease is not. It’s important to recognize the early , as early intervention and treatment can be key in slowing the progression of the disease.
- Falls are the leading cause of injury among older adults, and maintaining your balance and mobility is key in fall prevention.
- Not all seniors lose their teeth, but issues like gingivitis that leads to periodontitis, a bacterial infection that affects the gums and bones supporting the teeth, can be common in older adults. and seeing the dentist for a cleaning every six months can help ensure your teeth and gums are as healthy as possible.
- Heart disease is the leading cause of death for adults over the age of 65. Conditions like high blood pressure and high cholesterol need to be managed properly and are vital to avoid developing heart disease in your later years.
- The National Osteoporosis Foundation reports that around 54 million adults over age 50 have low bone mass or osteoporosis, and almost all adults over age 80 have some form of osteoarthritis. Exercising regularly and eating a healthy diet can help .
- Conditions like asthma or chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) can worsen the older you become. However, there are variety of medications available that allow you to breathe easier.
- It’s estimated that 25 percent of adults age 65 and older have type 2 diabetes. The sooner you know you are at the sooner you can begin managing your blood sugar and making lifestyle changes that can better control it.
- Infections like the flu or pneumonia aren’t specifically senior illnesses, however, seniors are more vulnerable to them and due to weakened immune systems, may be less likely to successfully recover from them.
- Maintaining regular screenings for your vision and hearing is vital as you age. Age-related eye issues like macular degeneration, cataracts and glaucoma affect millions of older adults, and 43 percent of people who experience hearing loss are 65 or older.
- The risk for some types of cancer also increases as you age. For example, women become more at risk for cervical or endometrial cancers, while men have a higher risk for prostate cancer. While preventing cancer altogether may not be possible, screenings to detect certain cancers in the early stages can help effectively treat them.
DO NOT TAKE WHATEVER IS WRITTEN IN THIS BLOG AS GOSPEL
ALWAYS CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR.