(Do not take this for gospel, consult your
doctor)
It is zoom time. Instead of the meeting at the
club with the girls (mainly widows), thanks to the ravages of Covid-19 it has
brought super computer Joe into his element. For a change, he has been a
patient teacher as the old guys farted around getting to learn the system.
Otherwise, it seems like a hundred voices screaming press this, press that, don’t
touch that. You ijiyot! Ducor! And this and that. Another thing, there is no
kitty anymore in which everyone contributed their share of the cost of the
beers and the profits (remaining change) was held on for the annual bash to
someplace with a decent club or hotel.
These days each one is dedicated to his choice
of drink, whatever that is. One or two have raised their eyebrows watching or
two others slurping on a Single Malt or two or even a cognac or two. However,
this has not taken anything away from the business at hand.
Romeo, the rat, who hadn’t been around for a
long time, was welcomed with generous “welcome backs”. Abel, the cat, (because of
his light eyes, like Filo Mazor’s) was the first to pipe in: “So. Induur, what
was wrong. We heard you were ill, but you would not speak to anyone. We sent
some spies, but they came back empty-handed.”
The rat: “What to tell you guys… the medical
centre doctors told me I was low on testosterone and I had to see the specialist
who told me I had to get an ultrasound of my genitalia and a huge list of
pathology tests including a 24-hour collection of urine. This was because there
were other elements related to the testosterone that were also in short supply
in my bloodstream.
“I was a little nervous about the senior
citizen who was doing the ultra-sound on my semi-nude self but she was a
professional and did not bat an eyelid or twinge at all.
“What was more daunting was the pathology test
over two hours in around the genitalia.
“The result is that I will have to apply a
special (expensive) ointment in the genitalia and a course of tablets.”
Dr Google piped in: Decreases in testosterone can lead to
physical changes including the following: increased body fat. decreased strength/mass
of muscles. fragile bones. Testosterone is a sex hormone often associated with males, though
females have small amounts. If a male has a low level of testosterone, the symptoms can include erectile dysfunction, and reduced bone mass and
sex drive.
“What causes low
testosterone?
·
Injury
(trauma, interrupted blood supply to the testes) or infection of the testes
(orchitis)
·
Chemotherapy
for cancer.
·
Metabolic
disorders such as hemochromatosis (too much iron in the body)
·
Dysfunction
or tumors of the pituitary gland.
“If left untreated, low testosterone can
contribute to low bone density or heart disease risk. But it doesn't have
to — low testosterone is relatively
easy to treat. The goal of your treatment plan will be to get your testosterone levels back
into the normal range.”
The rat
suggested that in his case it was probably a case of infected testes. Why or how
or what will remain a mystery.
Is he feeling
any better? “I am a little reassured but it is too early to tell. I started the
treatment last week.”
The Pied
Piper rolled his eyes, shook his head, and asked: “So, how did you know there was
something wrong? Did you stop having sex?”
“With whom
should I have been having sex? I have not had any since El left us 17 years
ago. Nothing comes up and, when it does in my sleep, nothing squirts out. Besides
there has been considerable shrinkage, which I am told is normal for most Wazee.”
(It's normal to have a lower sex drive and fewer spontaneous erections as you age. But little or no libido can be a sign that you have low testosterone. Research suggests that almost 40% of men ages 45 and older seen in a doctor’s office may have low testosterone.
Because the symptoms of low testosterone can be vague and because men don't always mention their symptoms to their doctors, the actual number of men with low testosterone levels may be higher.)
The Tight-Fist
who is blessed or cursed with a steel wrist was soon up and hopping about: “I
am not going to allow any shrinkage. I such see qualitative medical advice next
week.”
Well, there
were not too many jokes that day. Everyone was thinking about their own
personal issues … just for awhile and it was not long before the Golfer was up
to his merry-tunes jokes.
A final line
on the subject, the Rat explained: “Many years ago, I had made a beeline for
Jasmine (everyone in the group knew Jas and in their bachelor days ogled her or
even yearned for her but the Presley kid had sole occupancy of that heart) long
after we both lost our partners. I did not understand at the time what she
meant when she told me “I have nothing to give”. I understand now but would
have understood better (maybe) if she had explained the symptom.”
Jimmy the crab,
who is something of a considerate member of the group, is also something of an unintentional
eves-dropper. He has the knack of being able to listen to two more conversations
within earshot. He explained: “ I was at
the Medical Centre the other day and I met a lady who I see regularly at
Church. She had three other friends and she introduced me to them. It was not
long before we all found ourselves discussing our health problems. The common
thread was: Degenerative discs in the neck, upper beck, lowe back; aches in the
shoulders, elbows, into the hips and some parts of the lower legs. All were
being propped up with weekly or fortnightly physio and heat treatments. The most
painful times of the year were the winter months. “No use in complaining,” one
of the ladies said, “We should get up and do our best.” For this group, at
least, there are tough times ahead.
Dr Google: As you age,
the ligaments and tendons that hold your joints together become “stiff and
leathery,” says Siegrist. At the same time, osteoarthritis can cause the cartilage in a joint to wear away. Both
processes can lead to aching, soreness, and pain. The best way to feel younger,
she says, is to condition your body in ways so that if you need to run to catch
a plane or shovel the snow in your driveway, your body “doesn’t feel overwhelmed
by the challenge.”
Anyway, let’s change the subject and talking about cooking ….
