Thursday, April 9, 2020

My Mother Taught Me ...Thanks Mike

Dear all at home and abroad,
A group of British people are flying home on a plane chartered by the government during the coronavirus pandemic.
The pilot's voice comes over the intercom, saying, "We're flying at 35,000 feet. Visibility is good. The weather in London is fine and clear, at 15 degrees Centigrade... Oh, and by the way, I'm working from home."
We are also working from home, sorting photos, decluttering, enjoying the peace and quiet of the neighbourhood and grateful that we did our overseas travelling last year.
We are grateful too that Australia is coping with virus quite well and feel for those places, particularly the UK, that are going through so many deaths. We worry somewhat for the US which seems ill-prepared for the virus. We feel more concern that Americans will have a choice between Trump and a candidate who could not beat Hillary last time round. These are the best on offer  not much choice for an election where voting is not even compulsory.
We are heading for a weekend of around 37C with the beaches likely to be closed if social distancing is not observed. We have a pool so the family can visit if they keep their distance. There’s always things to do in the garden, so we can get out after checking the latest jokes, though the virus is losing its humour. We have time, too, to count our blessings.
Most of you receiving this are of the age to remember the original home schooling, when our parents passed on advice in the most bizarre manner. The younger generation will not remember these verbal instructions but you receiving this will recall many.
Have a chuckle now at what they taught us when we were  growing up in a more carefree environment.
1.  My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2.  My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3.  My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4.  My father taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, that's why ."
5.  My mother taught me MORE LOGIC  .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6.  My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7.  My father taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8.  My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9.  My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10.  My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11.  My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12.  My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13.  My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14.  My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION   .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15.  My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16.  My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."
17.  My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"
18     My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19.  My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20.  My father taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21.  My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.  My mother taught me GENETICS .
"You're just like your father."
23.  My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24.  My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25.  My father taught me about JUSTICE  .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

 This should only be sent to the over 70 crowds because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT" words by our parents…      

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